I was driving this weekend and on the car radio (in some town I was driving through so I can’t remember the town or the station) a DJ was announcing the “news” that women are more attracted to men who cook over the presumed status symbol of the car he drove. (I’m assuming he got the idea here.)
The male DJ was freaking out at the idea, asking for female callers to confirm or deny such a thing. As woman after woman called in confirming the “news”, he was becoming more incredulous. “This goes against everything we men knew,” he said (though I am paraphrasing a bit from memory), “We guys go and get the job to get the car because that impresses women.”
Uh, what century is he living in? We women have been able to have careers & buy our own cars for quite some time now — and while we may not be paid dollar for dollar for the same work, we certainly aren’t going to go all batty-eyelashes & giggly-hair-flips over a man with an automobile.
Since we are working, we obviously prefer a man who can & does cook. We don’t want to be made to feel that we are responsible for a man literally dying from hunger while we work our medical internships, stay late at the office to get the promotion, or meet the girls at the martini bar for happy hour. And isn’t it nice to have a man make the meal, serve the meal to us, and clean up afterwards! We all like to be catered to, no matter our gender, orientation, marital status, height, hair color, or make of our automobile.
While the men embracing this new ‘trend’ in self sufficiency are now called gastrosexuals, apparently there are men, like that DJ, who are shocked if not appalled at such outrageous gender role changes. I could call them all cavemen — and in search of gold diggers no less! — and leave it at that, but we do have to face some facts here.
Along with personally maintaining culture lag, these folks are genuinely puzzled. While their knuckles figuratively drag on the ground, these men stand slack-jawed & wondering — just how are they supposed to be a man and compete for a mate?
The times, they are a-changin’ and they just don’t see where they fit in.
I’d say you shouldn’t worry about them; but quite often these men move from perplexed to frustrated, doggedly refusing to change their beliefs and ways. I’ve personally see quite a number of them become angry & abusive asshats. To those of you who face such throwbacks, I say throw him back and keep on fishing. If he’s not going to change, he’s going to expect you (or try to make you) change to fit his world view, and that’s just no good.
Even if he’s not an abusive asshat, you’re going to end up “taking care of him” because “you’re the woman, that’s why” — and if you at all wish he would become a fully-functioning human being able to care for himself on a daily basis, you’ll end up resenting your role as care-taking-mommy to him.
As an example, I offer up one of the female callers to that radio show who said that she didn’t care about cars. She not only preferred a man who could cook, but one that could do laundry too; she herself had been cooking and doing her boyfriend’s laundry for five years and she “hated it”. Now I don’t know this woman or her man; but she was resentful enough to call into a radio show and complain — but there she was, doing the cooking and laundry (and who knows what else?) for this guy for five years!
She can’t blame him; she has to blame herself for staying there and doing it.
I hope she’s also got a good job. That way, one day, she can come home good and exhausted, be faced with making his meal and washing his undies, and just snap — get into her car and drive away.
Of course, the flip side of all of this was the one female caller who said that she just wanted a man who had a car; she was tired of the guy who couldn’t afford the bus pass — and the way she said it, she was talking about those shiftless male gold diggers. They not only don’t have a car; they refuse to work. And they expect you to provide all the food — buy the clothes and launder them too. Get in your car and drive far away from them, because they’ll drive you crazy and drain your accounts.