Last month, AskMen.com (50,000 AskMen.com readers) & Shine (19,000 respondents over a four week period) conducted its second annual online survey, where real women and men answered questions on such topics as online dating, money, careers, soul mates, marriage, romance, cheating, etc.
One area where men really weighed-in differently was the matter of weight gain. Seems fatty-fatty-two-by-four will be kicked out of the couple’s door — by (surprise!) males.
An overwhelming 70% of women responded to “Would you dump a boyfriend if he became fat?” with “No, his appearance does not affect my love for him.” But 48% of men said they would dump their girlfriend. Shocking? No. Superficial? Yes.
While 75% of US men (just a few points off of their male counterparts in the UK, Canada & Australia) and 63% of the women believe marriage “is a necessary institution, and one that I will participate in to help preserve,” there’s something funky going on… I guess marriage as an “institution to preserve” only applies to skinny folks — for men, anyway.
But perhaps most upsetting to me were the results regarding divorce (as in “she’s too fat to remain with me”). When asked, “Do men get screwed by the courts in divorce?” 83% of the men said “Yes.” I guess I’m not surprised to hear men continue to whine about their victimization (as if!), but the women? While the 44% who said, “No, men and women generally get fair and equal treatment,” may seem comforting, look closer and you’ll see that 40% also said “Yes” — 40% of women believe that men are victimized by divorce courts.
I guess these women aren’t really listening to their friends’ divorce stories.
Yet 35% of these whining & irrational men who believed they are treated unfairly by divorce courts say prenups are “Not at all important.” Isn’t that a dumb reaction, to not protect yourself from what you (irrationally) fear?
But that’s only part of the story, really; just look at the questions & results:
How important is it to you for your future wife to sign a prenup?
35% Not at all important
33% Not very important
22% Somewhat important
10% Very important
Do you want your future husband to sign a prenup?
73% No, I will marry a man who I trust enough to not need a prenup
11% Yes, but I won’t risk jeopardizing our relationship by asking him to sign one
9% Yes, I won’t marry him unless she does
7% No, I’m out to steal his money
And that sexist difference in the survey questions & responses may be the most telling thing of all.
Women too insecure to ask for a prenup? But not the big strong he-man. (He’s just too dumb not to ask, even when he thinks the male created & controlled courts are out to get him because he has a penis. A-duh.) Women asked a question in which they are offered the golden opportunity to self-identify as gold diggers? Where are the men’s sugar daddy responses? And that confusing typo (see 9% female response) — for a minute there I thought they were actually including lesbians. Yeah. Right.
If such sexism was ignored or thought “cute” by the female respondents, then no wonder they themselves are sexist enough in their thinking to believe that men have it bad in divorces.
I do believe now we know why this is called The Great Male Survey; Long Live The Great Male.
In regards to 40% of women saying they think that men get screwed in the courts…..2,800 respondents (male and female) in a 2005 survey done in Victoria, Australia, showed that 47% believe that women made false claims of abuse and violence to forward their cause in child access cases. That’s almost half of the population, who, without collaborating evidence, believes that women are liars when it comes to accusing their spouses of violent and controlling behaviours. This is against some research that suggests that the majority of proven false claims (which is as little as 5% BTW) are actually made up mostly, by, men. In suspected false claims of abuse, (about 20%), the false accusers are men, by about 75 – 87%.
Why do these myths persist in our society, when we have the means with today’s technology to dispel them? Look towards stereotypes upheld in the media, read the popular jokes, watch the soap operas and the pop music videos, and one starts to get an inkling of how such falsehoods are perpetuated.
What you say is true & disheartening. I have a theory on this, which I will be sharing soon (once I get some time to get the research together), but like you, I am aghast at the willingness to believe crap — utter, complete crap. Especially when women believe it, perpetuate it, about their own gender.
This is disheartening. In my opinion the person getting screwed over depends on the situation and not the gender, in fact just had a friend go through a divorce… she got the kids and not much else. I was shocked. As I contemplate going through a divorce myself, I have been doing some research in order to prepare myself for what may come. I have found that Ora Schwartzberg offers a lot of great advice in her latest book, “Divorce Mediation: from the Inside Out” which gives great pointers on how to go obtain an inexpensive divorce through mediation, with a lot less stress.
Gender issues still play a part in family court & divorces; primarily, the largest percentage occurring in cases where violence is an issue — and then, at least with male perpetrators of the crimes/violence, men are still favored. I’m working on some posts regarding these facts, but they are slow coming as they are not easily stomached.
I’ve not heard of that book; I’ll have to add it to my list of works to check out. (A long list, but one hopes!)
I wish you well with your marriage or it’s ending — whatever works best for you, Becky. :)